The Problem of Abundance

So much information to consume;
So many directions and possibilities.

The exuberance lasts for a while,
But fades in the absence of mystery.
Exploring fruitless avenues is disheartening,
Only to be compounded by the totality of knowledge that both exists and is accessible.

How am I to ever chose a topic that is of both interest and relevance without slowing being dragged down into rabbit holes and quagmires of concepts?

I yearn to create;
To produce something that is new;
To intake information, digest it and synthesize something of substance — something of worth.

But how do I determine what is of worth without simultaneously needing to know about meaning, morality and how one ought to live?

For how can I navigate the myriad of information available to me without also needing to determine how that piece —despite how small it may be — fits together and manifests itself in the world?

Ceaseless Surrender

Defined by the here and back again;

It’s a relief that we’re still friends.

Tease me to stay,

But release me to go:

This is our incessant to and fro;

It is our beating against the stream

That ameliorates my desires to dream.

Freedom to look around

Without the rustlings of future sounds.

A Descent From Normalcy

When I looked up, I saw the sky – And, the sky was falling. Glowing gold shards fell to the ground upon which I stood. What was left was both a hole and extensive fragmentation throughout the entirety of the night’s sky. It was as if the entire sky was a shell that had started to crack – and I had witnessed the first complete breakthrough. The sky was revealed to me as nothing more than a sheet of glass expanding across the horizon.

My state of disbelief only intensified on from this point. The spectacle taking place in front of my eyes had left me blissfully unaware of what lie beneath my averted gaze. For, when I looked down, I saw the tops of trees spanning the breadth of an entire forest. I felt as if I might fall. And then, I did.

As I fell, I gazed back towards the sky, which had started this whole strange journey, and I watched as more and more pieces fell. It was as if an egg was hatching from the outside in; the darkness of the egg’s interior was being consumed by the intense, fiery brightness of the light piercing through the shell’s outer walls. I remarked at how the integrity of the entire shell was compromised the moment the first flake fell. It was not the cracking of the shell that ultimately was causing it to crumble, for something can crack and remain intact; no, it was the moment the fragmented parts began to fall. In that instant, the shell was no longer a shell; its definition had fled the moment its form had. It had descended into something shapeless something decaying and falling into ruin and disarray.

For me, I could see its future. The trajectory of its fate was certain. The cascade of events which had been triggered allowed no prospects of the egg returning to its original state. Though it hadn’t happened yet, I could see it would happen by the signs of its movement.

I, on the other hand, was far less certain of my own future. I knew not why I fell, nor to where I was falling. It was a moment of relinquish, during which the two opposing sides of myself called for a ceasefire. My brain had agreed to quit sounding the danger alarm, because my mind’s reason had deemed the danger of the situation as insurmountable. As a result of surrendering to my fate, whatever it may be, I relaxed into warm, constant, supporting embrace of peace. My eyes closed, my lungs exhaled as if my soul was leaving along with my breath, and then, my entire body let go. My mind, my body, my very essence had yielded to my seemingly timeless descent. Then, out of the stillness and serenity of submission, came contact.





God and Order

Our world is ruled by disorder. Ask a physicist why time is perceived as flowing in a direction and they will say it is due to entropy, which merely is a scientific way of saying disorder.

The universe is increasing in disorder (entropy), thus time appears to flow in the direction of past to future. In the past, there was less entropy and, therefore, more order. In the future, there is an increasing amount of disorder.

Take this from a cognitive perspective for a second. Your past is comprised of events that happened. They feel more concrete and solidly grounded in existence, because we know (or believe ourselves to know) that these certain events did in fact occur. Now, go the opposite direction and think towards the future. The future is ruled by probability. Thinking of the future from the present is like running probability simulations of what is likely, or possible, to happen in our lives.

The real question becomes: Why was there order to begin with?

In the opening lines of the Bible, it gives rise to the notion that, before there was light, there was a great void, formless and dark. In this primordial state, we find a state of complete individualization — even all the particles are in isolation, as to have yet formed a connective bond to one another.

It is this initial bond that fulfills the verse of “‘Let there be Light'” (Genesis 1:3).

A non-Biblical analogy is the science of your brain. Think to that first neural connection forming in a burst of energy. This initial burst of life cannot be understood, nor meaningfully explained. And, even if we somehow could meaningfully describe life itself, it would encapsulate all the words that have ever used to describe life. It would be all that ever was. Regardless of the mechanism of how, the result was that your brain formed neural connections and has continued to do so throughout your life forming neural networks.


Time & You

Are you master of these years?

And I been thinking what’s like when you’ve been treated wrong.

It’s never seems to grow; is everything as you want of me?

If I could blame you, and if I could choose:

I would lay down beside you, and you’d my muse.

And if I could be anything,

I would be staring back at you my darling.

Help me to realize what it must be like.

Break me and realize, what I have left inside.