A Descent From Normalcy

When I looked up, I saw the sky – And, the sky was falling. Glowing gold shards fell to the ground upon which I stood. What was left was both a hole and extensive fragmentation throughout the entirety of the night’s sky. It was as if the entire sky was a shell that had started to crack – and I had witnessed the first complete breakthrough. The sky was revealed to me as nothing more than a sheet of glass expanding across the horizon.

My state of disbelief only intensified on from this point. The spectacle taking place in front of my eyes had left me blissfully unaware of what lie beneath my averted gaze. For, when I looked down, I saw the tops of trees spanning the breadth of an entire forest. I felt as if I might fall. And then, I did.

As I fell, I gazed back towards the sky, which had started this whole strange journey, and I watched as more and more pieces fell. It was as if an egg was hatching from the outside in; the darkness of the egg’s interior was being consumed by the intense, fiery brightness of the light piercing through the shell’s outer walls. I remarked at how the integrity of the entire shell was compromised the moment the first flake fell. It was not the cracking of the shell that ultimately was causing it to crumble, for something can crack and remain intact; no, it was the moment the fragmented parts began to fall. In that instant, the shell was no longer a shell; its definition had fled the moment its form had. It had descended into something shapeless something decaying and falling into ruin and disarray.

For me, I could see its future. The trajectory of its fate was certain. The cascade of events which had been triggered allowed no prospects of the egg returning to its original state. Though it hadn’t happened yet, I could see it would happen by the signs of its movement.

I, on the other hand, was far less certain of my own future. I knew not why I fell, nor to where I was falling. It was a moment of relinquish, during which the two opposing sides of myself called for a ceasefire. My brain had agreed to quit sounding the danger alarm, because my mind’s reason had deemed the danger of the situation as insurmountable. As a result of surrendering to my fate, whatever it may be, I relaxed into warm, constant, supporting embrace of peace. My eyes closed, my lungs exhaled as if my soul was leaving along with my breath, and then, my entire body let go. My mind, my body, my very essence had yielded to my seemingly timeless descent. Then, out of the stillness and serenity of submission, came contact.

 

 

 

 

God and Order

Our world is ruled by disorder. Ask a physicist why time is perceived as flowing in a direction and they will say it is due to entropy, which merely is a scientific way of saying disorder.

The universe is increasing in disorder (entropy), thus time appears to flow in the direction of past to future. In the past, there was less entropy and, therefore, more order. In the future, there is an increasing amount of disorder.

Take this from a cognitive perspective for a second. Your past is comprised of events that happened. They feel more concrete and solidly grounded in existence, because we know (or believe ourselves to know) that these certain events did in fact occur. Now, go the opposite direction and think towards the future. The future is ruled by probability. Thinking of the future from the present is like running probability simulations of what is likely, or possible, to happen in our lives.

The real question becomes: Why was there order to begin with?

In the opening lines of the Bible, it gives rise to the notion that, before there was light, there was a great void, formless and dark. In this primordial state, we find a state of complete individualization — even all the particles are in isolation, as to have yet formed a connective bond to one another.

It is this initial bond that fulfills the verse of “‘Let there be Light'” (Genesis 1:3).

A non-Biblical analogy is the science of your brain. Think to that first neural connection forming in a burst of energy. This initial burst of life cannot be understood, nor meaningfully explained. And, even if we somehow could meaningfully describe life itself, it would encapsulate all the words that have ever used to describe life. It would be all that ever was. Regardless of the mechanism of how, the result was that your brain formed neural connections and has continued to do so throughout your life forming neural networks.

 

Time & You

Are you master of these years?

And I been thinking what’s like when you’ve been treated wrong.

It’s never seems to grow; is everything as you want of me?

If I could blame you, and if I could choose:

I would lay down beside you, and you’d my muse.

And if I could be anything,

I would be staring back at you my darling.

Help me to realize what it must be like.

Break me and realize, what I have left inside.

The Paradox of Existence

We are always being torn in two. We live within the tension between opposing forces. Life involves both the processes of living and dying happening simultaneously: Some live to die, and others die to live.

We live a paradox and we are one. We both desperately want to be free but are paralyzed by the true totality of what freedom means. We want to find love but find it terrifying once we are actually truly in love with someone whose well-being directly dictates our own. We seek truth at all cost, except when the truth is far more unbearable than the majesty of our fantasies.

We live this way because existence comes with the knowledge of knowing that we may someday not exist (or, at least, exist in an entirely different form). In the forefront of our minds, we live; but, in the background, we know that we may cease to exist someday. To some this may scare, while others don’t care; but, nonetheless, the thought is ever presently there.

Guide My Soul

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.” – Proverbs 23:7

Lord, please forgive my heart for ingesting so much evil under the claim of righteous indignation. It is not my call to rid this world of evil, but to have faith and to grow in my relationship with You. I have drifted from the way of You by being consumed in the politics of this world and letting my heart overflow with arguments, defenses, justifications and distractions. All of which serve to distract me from consuming myself with You — in the form of Love, Beauty and Grace. Such words are only given meaning through the Word made flesh Christ Jesus.

Redirect my path and prune me of the compulsion to look at the entertainment, to be consumed by half-truths and meaningless distractions. Lord Almighty, shield me from the business and trivialities of this life. Grant me serenity  through asylum in your garden. Let me visit the eternal springs and be overtaken by the ripples of calmness that resonate within my spirit. Instruct my hands to open up from their tense clasp onto reality and worldly knowledge and direct my gaze upon you and your fathomless nature.

You are the mystery which should consume me. Nothing of this world will last; so, too, will be the fate of me, if I let this world overtake me.

Lord,
Guard my heart;
Guide my mind;
Gild my soul.

Missing The Point

If religious laws and piety produce nothing more than judgement and elitism, then they are not from the spirit but rather the ego. They are societal parameters to regulate appropriate decorum determined by individuals crudely attempting to construct their ideal reality.

Aspects of the true spirit will produce fruit that manifests in forms of love, freedom and peace, not judgement, rigidity and angst. No man made laws, institutions or religious righteousness will bring you to God, but they certainly can distance you.

When you find your religious perspective is one from a high vantage, you should reevaluate what it is that you believe and what it is that you want from others. We are all equal in the eyes of God. We are all imperfect in our own ways, and to judge others for their specific imperfections, only deepens our own. And, deepening our own imperfections, deepens the chasm that divides us from God’s absolute perfection.

We should shift our eyes from societal things and the eqoic mind which feeds off of comparison and judgement, and instead turn inwards to gaze upon ourselves. Not from the point of view of judgement, but simply from the perspective of an impassive observer.

We should focus more on who we are and what we are becoming in relation to the absolute source that is God, and less about the faults of others in an attempt to falsely build ourselves up.