Vying for Control

In times of turmoil, confusion, and uncertainty,
It becomes ever so easy to turn to the mind and hit rewind;
Or, make the choice to intensify the ever-raging battle against time.
Control becomes the mental shovel used to dig deeper the hole of despair.
All the while, masquerading around with a callous belief that we do not care
But this, too, is a mental delusion reinforcing that our will is the final conclusion.

Musings of Apathy

When we breathe, do we ponder the air?
Do we live our lives guided by what we deem to be fair?
Or, are we simply bound by what we determine is worth our care?

Keep the mind in restless motion
And all the world’s constant commotion
Will fail to evoke a single authentic emotion.

Desensitize pain
And pleasure will also wane.
Focus attention on what will be gained
And refrain from reflecting on what still remains.

Voicing the Unheard

When will I be taken seriously?

For, no matter what state,

The words that I say

Carry no weight.

How much longer do I have to wait,

Until my cries merit a single taste?

Doubting often is what I’ve become.

Never knowing what it will take showing

To justify my feelings that night.

I wish not to fight,

But all my pleas are met with might;

So, it is as you say.

Let me rest in dismay.

The Problem of Abundance

So much information to consume;
So many directions and possibilities.

The exuberance lasts for a while,
But fades in the absence of mystery.
Exploring fruitless avenues is disheartening,
Only to be compounded by the totality of knowledge that both exists and is accessible.

How am I to ever chose a topic that is of both interest and relevance without slowing being dragged down into rabbit holes and quagmires of concepts?

I yearn to create;
To produce something that is new;
To intake information, digest it and synthesize something of substance — something of worth.

But how do I determine what is of worth without simultaneously needing to know about meaning, morality and how one ought to live?

For how can I navigate the myriad of information available to me without also needing to determine how that piece —despite how small it may be — fits together and manifests itself in the world?

God and Order

Our world is ruled by disorder. Ask a physicist why time is perceived as flowing in a direction and they will say it is due to entropy, which merely is a scientific way of saying disorder.

The universe is increasing in disorder (entropy), thus time appears to flow in the direction of past to future. In the past, there was less entropy and, therefore, more order. In the future, there is an increasing amount of disorder.

Take this from a cognitive perspective for a second. Your past is comprised of events that happened. They feel more concrete and solidly grounded in existence, because we know (or believe ourselves to know) that these certain events did in fact occur. Now, go the opposite direction and think towards the future. The future is ruled by probability. Thinking of the future from the present is like running probability simulations of what is likely, or possible, to happen in our lives.

The real question becomes: Why was there order to begin with?

In the opening lines of the Bible, it gives rise to the notion that, before there was light, there was a great void, formless and dark. In this primordial state, we find a state of complete individualization — even all the particles are in isolation, as to have yet formed a connective bond to one another.

It is this initial bond that fulfills the verse of “‘Let there be Light'” (Genesis 1:3).

A non-Biblical analogy is the science of your brain. Think to that first neural connection forming in a burst of energy. This initial burst of life cannot be understood, nor meaningfully explained. And, even if we somehow could meaningfully describe life itself, it would encapsulate all the words that have ever used to describe life. It would be all that ever was. Regardless of the mechanism of how, the result was that your brain formed neural connections and has continued to do so throughout your life forming neural networks.

 

The Paradox of Existence

We are always being torn in two. We live within the tension between opposing forces. Life involves both the processes of living and dying happening simultaneously: Some live to die, and others die to live.

We live a paradox and we are one. We both desperately want to be free but are paralyzed by the true totality of what freedom means. We want to find love but find it terrifying once we are actually truly in love with someone whose well-being directly dictates our own. We seek truth at all cost, except when the truth is far more unbearable than the majesty of our fantasies.

We live this way because existence comes with the knowledge of knowing that we may someday not exist (or, at least, exist in an entirely different form). In the forefront of our minds, we live; but, in the background, we know that we may cease to exist someday. To some this may scare, while others don’t care; but, nonetheless, the thought is ever presently there.