I was created first by something other than myself. I can choose to love this force other than myself, but this love pales in comparison to the first.
I live in a fight between my rationality and my emotionality.
My rationality knows quite well that these next two months are quite necessary not only for the development of our relationship, but also for further discovery of our own selves.
I know this time is necessary so that we do not rush through the initial stages of a relationship.
And the paradox is that by not rushing everything becomes more meaningful: I savor every minute I spend with her and my feelings are being opened to a whole new level of perceptional experience. But nevertheless, I want to rush!
This is where my emotionality comes into play. Though it is all well and good that this thing called “time” and this virtue called “patience” are necessary to derive the pleasurable feeling I feel when I am with her; I nonetheless wish I could spend every moment with her, right now.
I know that isn’t the right answer, nor does it have a remote possibility of happening. But I cannot quell these feelings. They feel just as true as my rationality.
But in the end what I need is balance accompanied by patience. I do need to see her, and in time the duration of our time spent together will too expand. Yet, I also need to live this chapter in my life for the chapter that it is. For after all, this point in my life cannot be anything other than what it is.
The scene is set and the characters in motion. I relinquish control and simply play my part. The next scene will arrive when and where it is meant to, but, until then, it is necessary to continue onward.