Session: 3

I vacillate between apathy and emotion like the seasons flux from winter to summer. When I feel, I feel. And, when I don’t, I don’t. Neither is truly painful or inherently distressing. The times of apathy simple give my emotions a context.

When you’re feeling apathetic, you see the world for what it truly is. You don’t sugar-coat the facts of the world to make existence easier. You see things from uncaring and impassive eyes that don’t even care enough to want to distort reality into your own liking. Apathy transcends like and dislike and leaves you in a place of isness. This is a place stripped away from labels and judgments of liking, loving, hating, wanting, craving none of these aspects play a role; their values are set at zero. Instead, you just observe the characteristics of whatever it is you are gazing upon or thinking about. You do so in a neutral manner because everything in life is devoid of feeling when truly consumed by apathy.

I do not know if I believe that apathy consumes you in the same way a fire would. It’s more that the apathy is always their and in the cold winter seasons of emotion numbness, it isn’t the apathy that takes over, but the disillusioned self and worldview that leaves.